


thread-bare diamonds

by DesertLily



Series: Whumptober 2020 [15]
Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types, DC Extended Universe
Genre: F/F, Hurt/Comfort, POV Harleen Quinzel, Pamela Isley Loves Harleen Quinzel, Past Abuse, Past Domestic Violence, Past Joker (DCU)/Harleen Quinzel, Past Relationship(s), Personal Growth, Redemption, Reflection, Sad Harleen Quinzel, Self-Reflection, Sewing, Whumptober, Whumptober 2020, this is a bunch of different canon thrown in a blender tbh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-15
Updated: 2020-10-15
Packaged: 2021-03-08 20:54:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,245
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27033022
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DesertLily/pseuds/DesertLily
Summary: It takes unstitching the life of Harley Quinn for Harleen Quinzel to find herself again.
Relationships: Pamela Isley/Harleen Quinzel
Series: Whumptober 2020 [15]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1946296
Comments: 4
Kudos: 38
Collections: Whumptober 2020





	thread-bare diamonds

**Author's Note:**

> For the 'stitches' prompt for Whumptober!

Very few would believe it but Harleen Quinzel still existed. Deep underneath the guise of Harley Quinn, she still existed. The woman that truly only wanted to understand people; to help them. The person she had been before  _ him _ . The person that she so desperately wanted to return to. But Harley wasn’t sure if that was possible anymore. She was tainted in so many ways. She no longer saw the bright-eyed doctor in the mirror. She saw the smiling clown that did exactly as everyone expected of her; cause chaos. 

It was Pamela who suggested Harley stop. The two had been curled up on a literal bed of roses as Ivy ran a hand through her girlfriend’s hair. It was  _ gentle _ . She was always gentle with her. She made sure to never hurt her. Enough people had caused Harley pain and Pamela would not add to it. “You’re not happy, my love.” Harley was gently shushed as she tried to protest. “You’re tired. You never laugh and you never seem satisfied…” She sighed. “This life may be for me, but it’s not for you.” 

Harley froze up entirely at that. That...that didn’t make sense. They were two thirds of the Gotham City Sirens! They worked great together! Harley was happy. She was  _ supposed _ to be happy. “There...There are other ways to break up with me if you want me to go, Red.” Her voice cracked as she spoke, refusing to meet Pamela’s eyes. It was easy to pretend that was all that was wrong; to ignore her problems like she always did. 

“Harleen.” Ivy’s voice was more serious now as she pulled her closer. “That’s not what I meant and you know it.” She tilted her head up, pressing the gentlest of kisses to her girlfriend’s lips. “Your heart isn’t in this life anymore. But you’re smart, Harleen. Deep down, you’re kind. More so than I am most of the time.” Her face flushed just as red as Pamela’s hair at the compliment. “But I’m not leaving you, Harley. I love you. I always will.” 

Pamela’s words echoed throughout her mind for the next few days. She was right. Harley needed to get out of this life before it consumed her entirely; before it destroyed her. After all, it was only expectations that kept her there. She had been the Joker’s girl once (and oh, that thought alone made her feel sick) and as such, people expected her to be bad to the bone. But she wasn’t. Harley didn’t have the ability to be entirely. Terrible. Not really. 

But if she was going to step back, there was something she needed to do first. 

Harley had claimed ‘sentimental value’ as to why she kept all of her old costumes. But it wasn’t. It was as a reminder of who she was and what she had done. Each item held a part of Harley Quinn within it. Each piece was like a barrier keeping her from becoming Harleen Quinzel. So it needed to be destroyed. But not just burnt or cut up or thrown away. It needed to be taken apart; just like Harleen had been. 

She started with the harlequin costume; the jester suit. Her very first costume when her existence was for no other purpose than to elevate  _ him _ . It was some sick couple’s costume. A clown and his jester. There was something calming about undoing each stitch one by one. She wasn’t  _ his _ anymore. She was no one’s. He may have created Harley but she was like a phoenix; rising up from the ashes he had turned her life into. Watching the fabric fall apart onto the floor in a heap, Harley smiled. Good. 

The next item made her gag. In some sense, it was far worse than the jester suit. Whilst that had been her first costume, this one was a symbol of her devotion to the Joker. It wasn’t anything extraordinary. A t-shirt and a pair of booty shorts. It was a little trashy, in hindsight. But that wasn’t the part that bothered her. The text on the t-shirt was. ‘ _ Daddy’s Little Monster _ ’. It was vile. It was degrading. It was as good as wearing a sign saying ‘If found, please return to Joker’. Her entire existence had become an extension of his; she existed to keep him entertained. She had no life outside of him. But Harley wasn’t that person anymore. Each stitch was cut fiercely and messily as she desperately took the t-shirt apart. The memories it held were  _ painful _ . She had been so lost back then. 

Many more costumes followed after that. Each with the same colour scheme. Red and black. The colours he had chosen for her. The colours that had defined her for so long. Though, they matched in a way. Red matched the blood he spilt and black matched the bruises he left on her skin. She had liked them for a while. Some of her old costumes could be considered pretty, even. But they had always partially belonged to him. They had all shown his claim on her. 

The next few showed how it changed slowly. The black became blue like a healing bruise. And not a dark blue either; a bright one. One that would make her stand out against the world. A massive ‘fuck you’ to him because she was  _ healing _ . She was changing! Even if no one believed her. Harley had seen the doubt and suspicion behind their eyes. Even the big bad Bat himself hadn’t seemed entirely sure she was changing. But he had his moments of treating her like a human. He’d even learnt her birthday and her anniversary with Ivy. Shockingly, he’d seemingly turned a blind eye to their small crime spree that night. Hell, there had even been an ‘anonymous’ donation made to the Gotham greenhouses. Who knew the Bat had a soft spot? 

The last costumes were her favourite. The red was long gone now. In its place was a bubblegum pink. Not any semblance of  _ him _ left. This was all her now. This was her independence. No one could take that from her. Not even him. There was some sadness as she undid each stitch this time. There were far less bad memories associated with these costumes than the others. But they had to go. If they didn’t then she would always have the temptation to go back. And Harley refused to go back. She did keep the rollerskates, however. They were fun. She enjoyed using them and she  _ deserved _ to enjoy them. Maybe she could even use keeping them as an excuse for Pamela to finally let Harley teach her to skate. 

Eventually, there were no costumes left. Just piles and piles of fabric. The last remnants of Harley Quinn. She smiled as she looked at it. Perhaps she could sew it into a blanket or something to give away; make sure something  _ good _ came from all the damage she had caused. Maybe she would just throw it in the closest dumpster. It was no good to her anymore. But she did pick up a single red diamond. It was frayed around the edges but mostly intact. She was going to keep it. A reminder of who she had been and who she would never be again. 

Every stitch had been undone. Harleen Quinzel was finally free to live her life once more. She could finally breathe. She could finally be herself. 

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and kudos are always appreciated or hmu @ desert-lily on tumblr!


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